A special reminder on Mother's Day

A friend sent me the letter below.  I wish I could give credit and thanks to the author, but I can’t because I don’t know who wrote it or where my friend found it. So, if by chance, the author comes across my blog and reads her words, I hope she will forgive me for posting it without the deserved credit. 

Laura has been gone almost 17 years, but this message still resonates with me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't say a few words to my girl. 

A reminder from your child on Mother’s Day

Dear Mom,

I am still here for you when desperation creeps in between the spaces of our new realities

I am not gone. Every tear you shed, I collect it. I gather the rain, and to each drop I give life to the memories you and I have shared. I step into your dreams when you least expect it, and if you look hard enough you can find me there.

Say my name. Remember me in the quiet moments. They will sustain you when the world intrudes and tries to drown out the sound of the conversations that you still have with me when you think no one else is listening. I am still here.

Mom, my soul is quiet now. It no longer yearns for the things my physical body needed to survive this particular battle. It took everything from me, and I know it took everything from you. You will never realize what that did to my spirit when I passed from that life into this one.

I know you feel like you are losing your mind some days, but when you hear a heartbeat where none should exist, know that it is mine, keeping time with yours.

I am still here. I did exist. I left my mark upon this world, and I am at peace now.

Love, 

your child  💓

 On Mother's Day, it's important to acknowledge the pain of a mother who has lost a child while also honoring her role as a mom.  Franchesca Cox created Still Standing, an online magazine for grieving parents. She says, “A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.” 

May your heart be overfilled with love. 

Happy Mother’s Day. 

As time goes by

Repurposed from my Facebook feed

Happy New Year. Another year has gone by. This year will mark 17 years that I am living without my Laura. I am still striving to adjust to life without her. Grief is my constant companion, and it is very hard some days, especially the anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays. I constantly remind myself that Laura would not want me being sad and stuck in 2008. So, I try to remember I must live beyond "what if" and find joy in "what is."

I wish you all peace, comfort, and constant warm memories of your loved ones.

 

 For the past 16 years I have been saving 4 messages on my phone from my daughter. I continue to save them weekly, so Verizon does not eliminate them. I can't always listen to them because I cry each time I hear Laura's voice, even though so much time has passed. Her voice brings the past right into my face and it is heard. to listen knowing you can't bring her back. I am so happy that in my darkest days I thought about saving her messages. Thank goodness the messages predate the texting culture. In this day people mostly text and you don't get a chance to hear your loved one's voice.